The Day my Bag Taught Me a Lesson

Weird.

It started with my burger being too delicious -- with the crispness of veggies perfectly complimenting the thick slab of meat patty -- that I just sighed happily and unconsciously stared at the bag on the table (okay, we are occupying a four-seater and we're only two, forgive me for my manners sometimes, please =) ).

Staring at the black bag on the table struck me. I remembered it's not what I am initially looking for, it's not even my first choice. I just thought that a classic black handbag will be more useful than a trendier floral sling.

Staring at it made me appreciate it's beauty once again. Though the leather is synthetic, the weave and structure is pretty, not to mention it is sturdy. It reminded me why I chose it among the others, the happiness it brought me, the way it reflected (and continue to do so) my personality and how it fits perfectly in my day to day journey.

I'm not sure at what point did I associated these happy thoughts about my bag to relationships. As I said earlier, the burger is the culprit.

I just thought, so it is with our relationships. Sometimes, you just have to take a closer look again to uncover the beauty that has been buried by the trials. To find the reasons to fight amidst the pain and not let go even if your hands are hurting. To continue to laugh, love and forgive even if doing the opposite is far easier.

I know this because I am at several times been on the receiving end of this grace.

And I would pay it forward by being generous of smiles and forgiveness.

In this life, people will do us wrong and we will also inflict as much pain in return. But it is in our conviction to rise with lessons learned and hearts that are battered but open, that we will be able to understand the meaning of giving second, third and nth chances. To not forget to take a look again and rediscover the beauty we once saw but have come to forget.

18th

Inspired by the poetry of Sarah Kay and phrases of Isa Garcia, I wrote the piece below.

For the one whom I have the opportunity to share 18 wonderful months with.

******

Couple of years ago, this is how I knew love will be:

I knew that love is the Prince charming who will come riding in a white horse to sweep me off my feet.

I knew that love will shower me with flowers- just because.

I knew that in arguments I will always win because love will let me get away with it.

Love will chase after me and would murmur sweet nothings in my ears to soothe me.

I knew that love will be sweet and steady and vibrant.

I knew that there will be hard times with love but it will be okay because we could always sort it out before the night ends.

I knew that I will trust love and freely be in its embrace.

Then finally, love came. One thing I notice is it's different but nevertheless beautiful.

Love now:

is a Knight with no shining armor instead he's fond of jackets and has a shiny iphone.

is a travel companion, a food enthusiasts, a tech consultant, a style hunter, a show marathoner and a buddy to all the other wonderful things you would like to try.

knows the difference between making surpises and staging a surprise.

gives chocolates when you are hungry, when you are sad, when you don't want to eat, when you don't want to talk and even when you have run out of reasons to reject.

knows how to rationalize, has opinions and principles. Love cannot be pushed around,

love is a thinking and discerning man.

won't always chase after the fights. Instead of sweet nothings, you'll get a hyper mood which will irritate the drama queen in you.

waits until you calm down, then talk to you. Or sometimes, you ask if you can talk. 

shows the difference between sweet and thoughtful. Sweet is for plesant things. But thoughtful? It's when you didn't want to be accompanied home and even if you pretend you're alone, he will silently walk beside you.

is simply complicated. You are now making decisions not only for you and your preferences.

sometimes gets hurt of the things you do and say, so does you.

is starting to make patterns, rituals, routines - but it's okay. Because you will always find new things to try and new patterns to build.

One thing I know for sure, I found love and it brought we warmth.

Like a hearth which always have fire,

sometimes, the flame is too strong, sometimes weak.

But you regularly gets the best kind of fire,

the one that will entice you to just sit in front of it,

grab some hot chocolate drink and share stories.

******

I know this is late and I don't want to make excuses.

I just took time writing this because I want you to feel what I've been having for the last 18 months I am with you.

I love you, but most of all I trust and respect you.

My Better Late than Never Bucket List (2012)

More than half the year had already passed. We are on the last non-ber month. And times likes this just makes the hair at the back of my neck tingle. The wet and cold weather also makes me giddy of holidays to come. When one thinks of holidays, one cannot help but plan of vacations and recreational activities.

I am a firm believer to the cliché better late than never, so I decided to make a list of the things/places I still want to do/go before the year ends.

Here it is:

1. Learn Archery. I'm never a sporty person, jogging is my sport, seriously. But there's something old-world and regal in archery that fascinates me. Just discovered a place where I can learn and I'm targeting August for this one.

2. Visit a Museum. I'm thinking Ayala or Mind Museum, or maybe both for September, and Bencab Museum when I go to Baguio on December. I still remember the first time I went to National Museum and accidentally knocked my head in the glass encasement of Rizal's diary. My two classmates laughed loudly, thanks to them :))

3. Have a massage and buffet at Sonya's Garden. I am itching to try traveling alone and I think this spa haven in Alfonso, Cavite is perfect for me. Looking at their website of healthy greens somehow also translates to self-discovery for me. I am preparing to do this on my birthday, a gift to self.

4. Attend a music festival/concert. It's been a while since I last attended a concert. I think that was in 2005 when Pinoy Rock once again reigned. Music scene has changed and I'm ready and willing to dive on what it offers today.

5. Road trip to Subic. Every family has that summer destination. Mine is always south: Batangas, Cavite or Tagaytay and never looked back. But 17 years ago, one summer day we went to Subic and frolic in the near-white sand and big waves. A stop-over to Duty Free and sightseeing in the bus while eating hotdog guaranteed a less-noisy metropolitan life. Today, Subic offers more new things mixed with old charm of the beach. I am excited!

To make this list more realistic for me, I'm gonna stop adding items. Hopefully I get to fulfill all that is in this list and write about the experience also.

They say every new experiences we have contributes to our character. Who knows what kind of person I will become after these undertakings :)

Family Meals

The dynamics of the Filipino family has changed over the years mainly due to diaspora and unstable economic condition. The norms we have five years ago is not as relevant as to today.

These days, it is more common to have OFW parents or separated ones, we are in the company of friends who serves more as our family than the blood-related ones. We spend more than 10 hours in school or work, 6-8 for sleeping, 2-4 hanging out with friends and the rest a mere 4 hours with our family. That is if our schedules meet and we actually spend time with them or we just go into our own rooms consumed by our smartphones and computers.

If we are to consider this scenario as reality, then, it is safe to say that we are losing one of our most known characteristic as a nation. Close family ties. In this day of social networks, instant messaging, free video conference, it is ironic that we become more unattached to our families.

A few years back, there's one TV commercial which recognized this epidemic and encouraged the most basic solution on this. Family Meals. They may be selling their product, but as Filipinos who loves to eat, bonding over meals is the simplest way to reconnect. In our family it is what we do.

on land...

or sea

with closest family

and beach trips

There are a lot of things to do to bond with our family once again. Look at the common interest in your family and start from there.

Little by little we will be able to forge the relationships we are actually born with.

Share yours too, my family and I may get a tip or two from yours too.

time first

Do you still remember playing in the streets when you were just a little kid and shouting time first to your playmates in the middle of takbuhan, langit at lupa and other games? I still do. I'm not even sure how it came to be that instead of time out we shout time first as kids. How grammatically wrong are we. But as kids, we understand each other. When someone shouts that term we know that they are asking time to take a break, breath and rest for a while and if you're losing, it also means buying time to come up with new strategies.

How I wish that in grown-up's world, I still can shout time first whenever everything feels like about to swallow me. Thank God for one and a half hour workday break, weekends and holidays when I can't shout time first just yet.

But I know that in truly elevating my stresses in life, I have to manage it and not put it all to chances of vacations.

It is nice to be able to take vacations once in a while but trips can be hard to our pockets and time-consuming too. Managing stress is an everyday thing that should be free or inexpensive at the very least. We should be able to squeeze it in, in our busy schedule.

Here I list down some ways I do to release stress, hope you will be able to find something useful too:

1. run. Or take any sport you like, you can do it after work. Invite friends and workmates. There's nothing like bonding over sweat and tense muscles. Add a friendly competition to it to make it more fun and challenging.

2. walk in the night. I walk from our office to van terminal. You can ask your workmates with the same route going home with you to do the same. While walking, it's a chance to get to know each other more by sharing stories and laughs. Walking is also an exercise. Just remember to be safe.

3. grab a drink. This does not necessarily translate to having alcoholic drinks. Fruit juices and milk teas are the fad now and they are cheaper than coffee too. They also offer a lot of varieties.

3. window shop. Is reading your passion? browse titles in the bookstores. Thinking of upgrading your work or gimik wardrobe? Canvass so when your hard-earned money comes, you know the best buys already. You could also window shop and TRY new things in gadget stores. Before embarking on this activity though, discipline your mind that you are only there to LOOK and not buy :-)

4. acknowledge and release your insecurities. We may not be conscious of it, but our whining and stress is a result of our insecurities. Do you feel that your friend has it all? You feel that all the dirty work is being given to you but your efforts are not properly recognized? Your boyfriend/girlfriend has the hots on a workmate? Acknowledge it. There is nothing wrong in having insecurities. We all have that. Even the most beautiful or successful also feels they are not enough sometimes. But as you acknowledge this, don't be hard on yourself. Forgive yourself and let go of the insecurities. Take comfort in the truth that you have things others don't have or just wish for. Remember that God made you unique and your journey is yours alone. Be confident in knowing that you could love and give what others couldn't. You are chosen to carry the job because your boss believes in you or want to hone you by challenges. Your boyfriend/girlfriend may admire others but they chose you and will be faithful to you. Revel in being you and strive to become a better version of you.

5. smile. This is a quick beautifying tool everyone swears by especially because this is FREE! Look in the mirror in the morning and before stepping out of the office and smile to yourself. Feeling stressed? remember to smile to yourself. The person in front of you or the one you're talking on the phone is annoying you? smile at them. Stretching your lips to form a half moon upward curve is easy. It may not come naturally at the start but with practice, this can be your best weapon against stress and aging. Make this your habit with constant practice :-)

There are a lot of things we can do to be happy and healthy amid our toxic schedules, family problems, work and relationship issues. It's the commitment to do them that is important and we need to build.

But when all else fails don't forget that we can still shout Time First at life.

Take a deep breath, regroup and plan, then with heads up face life again with a smile. ;-)

of adjectives and love

We use this three words to describe how we feel toward things, foods and experiences.

But can you think of something that these three words are a perfect fit?

I can only think of one thing. LOVE.

Love is EPIC most of the time, when you are experiencing things together, starting out, getting to know each other better, overcoming obstacles. It's EPIC in the sense that it gives you happiness and warmth, something like even a warm dark choco drink can never surpass.

LIKE, when sweet thoughts and actions were given to each other. Be it the simplest. Everything that affirms each other's worth goes to this one. It's sweet and constant.

We always DISLIKE when conflicts rises and misunderstanding looms. It's taxing and painful, making you dysfunctional at times.

But why do we find all of this in love? It's because love is complicated, it is never one dimensional.

PS. writing really is therapeutic.